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| not an actual ghost |
Nina was my grandmother's sister. She was a round German lady who lived in an impeccably neat, flower-covered cottage. Great-aunt Nina was so calm, she was practically Zen. Her kitchen was full of fresh-baked cookies and her garden and orchard were astonishingly abundant. She gave off the feeling of being at one with the earth and happy with it. She said she never worried about anything she couldn't change.
When Nina was in her 70's, her health took a turn for the worse. Her kidneys were failing. I sat with her in the hospital and she seemed in good spirits, although she told her doctors if she were to die, they'd better not dare bring her back. At that point, they were still trying to find the best treatment; Nina was not,it seemed, at death's door quite yet.
I was staying at my mother's house for some reason, I can't remember why, but I was there, alone in the house, when I heard a noise. It was a rattling, banging sound. It seemed to start in the living room or kitchen, then traveled, almost methodically, rattling and banging from room to room. This made me nervous - I knew I was alone but this sounded an awful lot like a person, blindly searching for something.
I thought, perhaps it's a mouse? Mice can make strange noises, can't they? But I'd never seen a mouse in that house, ever. When the whatever-it-was began to rattle the door handles up and down the hall, I began to lose hope in the mouse theory. It would be hard to imagine a mouse going from room to room trying the doors. Meanwhile I was huddled in my bedroom, telling myself that the fact that none of the doors had been opened meant that it was not likely a burglar on the prowl.
I opened the door to my room and looked out, but saw nothing. I left the door open in case there was a mouse, I might see it run by. Anyway, I couldn't bear the thought of my doorknob being rattled again.
The sound was now in the bathroom, where various cans of hairspray and bottles of shampoo were being knocked around. Suddenly there was a crash, as the bathroom shelf fell off the wall. That was a heck of a determined mouse. Now the sound moved into my mother's room where I could hear it shuffling around the closet and rattling the jewelry box. It was at this point that I gave into something I already knew but didn't want to know - that the whatever-it-was was looking for my mother. I could hear it in my head, like an inaudible shout. "Where is Dolly?" it was saying, using my mother's nickname. "I have to talk to Dolly."
The jewelry box was rattling furiously. It was a very specific sound, as if the presence was trying to remove a certain drawer from the box. I knew what was in that drawer, too - the only existing photo of Nina and her two sisters as children. I still didn't twig to what was going on, though. Well, I was still young then, only a teen. It was easier to imagine I was going mad. I'd never been confronted by a newly minted ghost before.
Having no luck finding my mother anywhere else in the house, what happened next is the only thing that could have happened. I was curled up under a blanket on the couch when the whatever-it-was came into the room. I can only describe it as a ball - a large egg-shape really - of energy. I could see it in the same sense I could hear the inaudible shouts; that is, I could perceive it somehow, though not by the usual means. I knew where it was and was not. I could have traced its outline, if I'd so desired. I did not desire, though.
The shape said "where's Dolly? Where is your mother?" In response, to my eternal shame, I screamed.
I think I shouted "she's not here now go away, go away GO AWAY!" as opposed to wordless shrieks, but that might be wishful thinking. The shape hesitated a moment, perhaps slightly annoyed, before turning and leaving. There were a few more rattles, then it was gone.
I breathed a sigh of relief, and then the next moment, thought "Oh, god, what if someone's died? What if someone's died and I just screamed at their soul to leave?" I went to the clock and checked the time. The whole kerfuffle had lasted about 5 minutes, so it had begun at 12:20 PM.
I thought about Nina and crossed my fingers. She wasn't that ill, I told myself. It couldn't have been her. But alas. When my mother came home a while later,, she told me the sad tale. The medicines being given to Nina had caused complications, and her organs had failed suddenly. My mother had not been there when it happened. She'd stepped out to tun an errand. What time had Nina died, I asked.
12:20, Mom said.
....
I was deeply ashamed. After Nina's funeral, I hung back at the gravesite to offer a formal apology. She could visit me any time she wanted, I told her, and I would never turn her away again.
In response, I heard a chuckle in my ear. I heard Nina's voice say, "Stop looking down, I ain't in no grave." Which, I realized later, is exactly the kind of thing Nina would say.
Not long after this, Nina appeared in a dream. She said to tell my mother she wanted her to have the set of ceramic angel fish that decorated the cottage wall. This was important to her. She said my mother would know why.
Dutifully, I gave mother the message. Normally she takes a dim view of such things, but she accepted this without question. She said "yes, I gave those to her as a wedding present when I was a little girl." I'd had no idea.
Nina has continued to turn up on occasion over the years, and it's always interesting when she does. But that will have to wait until next post.
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