Charmed Life

Divination is something I've been interested in as long as I can remember. Not that I believe that the future is set in stone - far from it, actually - but the methods used are fascinating.

Since I don't believe in a predetermined future or fate (in most cases), one may wonder why I have such an encompassing urge to go around reading arcane signs and symbols everywhere. But that's the answer, isn't it? Because they are arcane symbols. Not only are they beyond language, but often go where our conscious minds can barely reach. They tell us what's in the hidden parts of our psyche, the things we already know without knowing.

It's a bit like throwing dust into the wind. It makes the the invisible visible.

Given this, it's only  natural that I prefer forms of divination that employ meaningful symbols. Tea leaves and tarot are probably the best known of these, but charm casting falls into this category, too. In some ways it's even more so, as one can choose whatever charm seems personally relevant to represent a situation.

For instance, a bird charm can symbolize happiness to one person, industriousness to another and gossip to someone else. The important thing is to know what each charm means to you, specially. No good getting meanings out of a book, unless you happen to be in complete agreement with the book.

If you're anything like me, you're always collecting odds and ends and shiny things. Potential charms might turn up in the bottom of your pockets. your jewelry box or your junk drawer (unless you're one of those crazy neat freaks who doesn't have one). The best charms are the ones that come serendipitously, just when you need them. Some of the charms I use were found, some were given to me, a few I made myself - not very well, but good enough to get the message across.

Charms can be cast and read whatever way you like, but my preferred way is to make a basic (and in the example below, a very bad) sketch of the astrological houses. I don't bother with the more detailed meanings of the houses here, just a truncated version that tells me what's going on where.

(Seriously, what was going on with my ability to draw a circle here? I blame the cheap chalk and the rough paving stone. :p)

 After giving the charms a good shake and tossing them into the circle, we read where they fall.

So what of this fortune? Well, first of all, the charms representing the evil eye and jealousy are not in play, so that's a hopeful sign. Second, the 8th and 9th houses are empty, so death, taxes, sex, philosophy and religion are pretty much not happening right now. On the other hand, luck, spirituality, stability and secrecy/privacy are in the 1st house, the house of self. Longevity, personal power and information are in the house of material possessions. I suppose that means "hang in there, things will get better"?

Memory, energy and protection are in the third house - that's communication, so that makes sense too, but betrayal is in the 4th house (that little green thing is a coiled snake, by the way) and that's not so good - even though I know who it is. Gossip is in the 5th house, with deception just creeping in, but peace is there, too. This also makes perfect sense, for reasons better left unsaid (since I don't want to add gossip to gossip) and theft is nearly in the 5th house, but - mercifully - in the center of the circle, so I don't consider it to be a factor at this time.

Love, marriage and social life are in the 6th house, representing health and physical labor (too true) and transformation and money are in the house of marriage and partnerships. This could mean my husband will be paid for his work (*update* yes!) but that's also the house of enemies. Let's hope it's the former.

The female figure and the deer are in the 10th house, status, and it's anyone's guess what that means. My status is of  a woman who is shy and vulnerable? That I'm a woman who protects the vulnerable? Or that I'm simply a woman with a lot of deer visiting her yard? Well, all of these could be true, but the meaning is not clear. This is the only one that has me a little worried because it is hard to read.

The house charm is in the 11th house, community and groups, and since we are still considering moving to a new community, that fits as well. That's also the house of ambition and goals, and since that little pink house technically represents my "dream house" (literally a house I dreamed of, here ) that's also appropriate.

The 12 house, the unconscious, contains the symbol representing the world at large and the one representing attack or aggression. Well, one only has to open the newspaper to see the world is in some kind of crazy flux at the moment, that a raging undercurrent of something is at work. The collective unconscious must be in a right state about now. But the attack, aggression - whether that's something else in the undercurrent or something more personal remains to be seen. The 12th house is also the house of hidden enemies, so time to be on guard. Let's hope there are no other foes coming out of the woodwork

So, in essence, this fortune could be read as, cheer up, things could be worse. Also, beware of snakes and gossips. Well, that's good advice for anyone. ;)

...

How ever these charms fell and however accurate they may be, do I think that this is the work of an invisible hand? Not very likely. (Not saying it's entirely out of the question, just that it's not likely). No, I think what I'm looking at are the inner workings of my own mind. Those things, thoughts, ideas, and perceptions bubbling away unawares, potentially bursting into reality for good or ill. 

If you think about it, the idea isn't that much stranger than the concept of unseen forces intervening in our lives, which is a common belief worldwide. The universe is mysterious but so is the mind. The mind, I believe, is about as mysterious as anything could be. And I do love a mystery.

Especially when it's got a great plot.:)

Strawberry Moon

After our walk, we watched the solstice moon rise over the trees. Then we all played freeze tag on the lawn.

Genius Loci

We named it the house sprite because we didn't know what else to call it, but Genius Loci is probably more fitting.

The first time I recall noticing it was the morning of my third birthday, when I got out of bed and found the house empty.  It was so quiet, the only sound was the humming of the fans. I was still small enough then that the house seemed big and mysterious, something wondrous to be roaming around alone. I wandered down the hall, past the open bedroom doors which suddenly seemed to have a strange significance. It's beyond me to describe it now, but there seemed to be a presence there, something unseen that seemed to vibrate with delight. It was my birthday, so I was full of anticipation of course, but the giddy otherness seemed unmistakable.

When the family began to drift back into the house from wherever they'd been, the presence disappeared and I remember being disappointed. Still, the presence (if we can call it that) would turn up again and again.

Often it would be lingering in the kitchen when I'd sneak in to grab an illicit snack. That was the most common way to find it, but it wasn't confined to the house by any means. Sometimes you'd find it slipping  around corners or messing about the flower beds on sunny afternoons. It gave me the impression that it was giggling.

Simple enough to understand this as a childish whimsy, some externalization of my own nature. After all, the presence did seem somehow female and a little mischievous. Perhaps the sort of Family Circus type "Not Me" character that robbed the cookie jar when no one else was around. That said, it's not something I thought about much. It was just something that was there, a sort of mood or feeling that would crop up at odd places around the house. There was nothing to see or hear, and it certainly wasn't scary, so there was not much cause to wonder about it. Or mention it, either...you learn early on you aren't supposed to talk about things like that.

So it was in the years after I'd left home that it rarely entered my mind. It wasn't exactly that I'd forgotten about it - it figured heavily in memories of the Summer mentioned here, for instance - but what was there to say? Every place has its own mood and atmosphere, and it nearly always defies description.

It was certainly far from my thoughts the day I came back to the house where I grew up. My original family had been irreparably changed and broken by then, and the sadness was overwhelming. So imagine my surprise when I walked into the kitchen one morning and found the bubbly presence there, just like it was 1981 and no time had passed at all.

Since time had passed and I was an adult now,  I was curious. What caused this odd little sensation? It was not like a ghost, not something that made you feel watched or frightened; but it did seem to have identifiable movements, places where it definitely was or wasn't.

While going about my duties, mapping its rambles became a cheerful distraction. Given the unhappiness in the house, it wasn't hard to notice these pockets of delight. It most often hung about the kitchen and hallway, though it might turn up in the bath or utility room as well. It was almost never to be found in the front rooms, and outdoors it preferred the back or the side to the front garden as well. Perhaps it was something about the weather conditions that caused it. The handy thermometer / barometer on the wall and reports from the weather station helped keep track. It was an interesting idea, but alas, there was no consistency between its appearance and any weather conditions that I could find. Back to the drawing board.

Maybe it had something to do with negative ions - these are supposed to encourage a sense of well-being. I experimented here too, examining places and things that contain them, and while they were very nice, it just wasn't the same feeling at all. Water pipes? Perhaps, but the presence was inconsistent with the plumbing lines. Anyway, I'd never felt it out at the well. EMF waves? Maybe, but aren't these more consistent with seeing ghosts? There was no obvious explanation for something that must have been ongoing for 30 years or more. Assuming it wasn't just my fevered imagination, that is.

A few months passed, and one day my son - then about 11 - walked into the room.
 "Something must be about to happen" he said '"because that feeling is in the kitchen again."
"What feeling?" I asked.
"You know, that feeling that something's about to happen. Like you get before a storm. It begins with an A. An...something"
"Anticipation?"
"Yeah, that's it. It's in the kitchen right now, but it moves around the house."

Yes, that was it. Anticipation. That's exactly what it felt like, the purest sense that something exciting was about to happen. It was also the first time anyone else had ever mentioned it to me - confirmation that it wasn't my own imagination.

We talked about it a bit, and it seemed that my son's experience was pretty much the same as my own. Although after so many years, I'd learned that it really never seemed to herald anything in particular - even if at times it seemed to be egging you on.

At the end of that Summer, my husband moved up permanently. It didn't take him long to notice what my son and I had; it was he who named it the house sprite. He also pointed out that it didn't just appear in the house and grounds, it turned up in specific places around the neighborhood too. The corner of next road over was a favorite place, as well as the dry creek 3 blocks away. Which was accurate, I realized.

He had no explanation for it either, but was happy enough to have this little non-ghostly presence spreading good cheer. Heaven knows we needed it. Every little bit helps.

The house sprite hasn't been around too much this Spring, but tonight it's been hovering round the kitchen window for hours. The air nearly trembles with laughter we cannot hear. It's a mysterious thing.

It's almost enough to make you believe in fairies.

Scanning The Far Horizon

Or at least the horizon of July, 2016.

As this is a time of potential changes for my family, I thought I'd break out the trusty Russian Gypsy Fortune Telling Cards and see what's ahead for the month. There had already been a few good omens (several  synchronicities, a crane flying overhead while I prayed to Quan Yin) and the Chinese fortune sticks had also given a pleasant forecast, whatever way we choose to go. I was curious as to what these cards would say.

For posterity, here is the reading, in short version:

Apple, second position - a pleasant unexpected occurrence, a present.

Clover, second position - happiness, slightly clouded by a misunderstanding.

Handshake, first position - a strong friendship will support you your entire life.

Lily, first position - a happy life full of meaning.

Branches, fourth position - tears, an offense.

Pig, first position - purely a happy and prosperous year.

Anchor, third position- disillusionment with the ideal, doubts.

Bear, third position - you will get you want, though not in the immediate future.

Final card, synthesis -
Crayfish, fourth position - too much haste often defeats the business.
Scales, third position - if you maintain your balance, you will come out whole from a predicament.
Fisher King, fourth position - in a difficult moment, you won't sink but will rise to the surface.
House, third position - beware of people surrounding you.

Final card, final outcome-
Crayfish - having made too bold a step, you will back off.
Scales - in your fate, good will outweigh evil
Fisher King - fortune, especially on the sea.
House - you will enjoy success in all affairs.

All in all, I was quite pleased with this reading. It went along very well with the others, and while a couple of cards were less than fabulous, they make perfect sense in context of the situation.

I do have to wonder if it means that we will put off our changes for a little while, until the time is just right. But there's this feeling that the choice will be ours to make, either way.

Who knows what will happen? But as of this moment, that's the lay of the land.


Yes, I know the fish card is not officially named the "fisher king" but that's what we call him and it's a lucky tradition these days.

The Sharp Edge Of Solitude

Since my youngest is currently obsessed with birds, this video of baby wrens leaving the nest is his favorite viewing.

Toward the end of the video, as the second to the last, and then the last bird fledges, it occurs to me that this is the perfect illustration of loneliness. That particular sort loneliness one might feel after all the guests have gone, a friend has moved away or any other situation where you are suddenly left alone with only your thoughts for company.

When I was young, this was a dreadful feeling. It seemed such a terrible thing, to be left behind. How I envied those who had gone, off on some great adventure (or maybe just life) without me. This was before I accepted that I was essentially a lonely person at heart, that loneliness  - or my loneliness, at least - was an internal condition, a state of mind that no amount of companionship could ever reach.

I feel much different about these things today. Now, whenever I'm left standing on the edge of solitude, I recognize it as an end to whatever has gone before and a signal that something new is about to begin. The loneliness is only the peace that goes in between.

20 Most Read Books

Since I've been doing the brain-fog shuffle lately (really, the number of unfinished posts hanging around in draft is embarrassing) I decided to take the easy way out and post a list of the books I've read most often.

These aren't necessarily the books I'd consider the best - if I could even decide upon such a thing - but the ones I've picked up again and again over the years, whether because they are simply enjoyable or are interesting on some other level. A few are geared toward younger readers, but I continue to enjoy them as much (or more) as an adult.

Also, in keeping with the "not hard" spirit of this post, the books in that photo are truly random. I  picked  up a couple of armloads of books without looking and plunked them down. They aren't even arranged, because if I'd started doing that, I would have had to coordinate them by color or size or alphabetize them or whatever, and I ain't got the stamina for that. If there's anything embarrassing in that stack, it will just have to stay. :p

The list (in no particular order)

1. Fire and Hemlock - Diana Wynne Jones
2. The Boyfriend School - Sarah Bird
3.A Dark-Adapted Eye - Ruth Rendell as Barbara Vine
4.Lolita -Vladimir Nabokov
5.Jazz - Toni Morrison
6.Journey To Ixtlan - Carlos Castaneda
7.The Willowdale Handcar - Edward Gorey (this is a picture book, but it counts as far as this list goes.)
8. The Romance Reader - Pearl Abraham
9.Paradise - Elena Castedo
10. Wild At Heart - Barry Gifford
11.Howl's Moving Castle - Diana Wynne Jones
12.The October Country- Ray Bradbury
13.Ficciones - Jorge Luis Borges
14. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
15.The House With A Clock In Its Walls - John Bellairs
16. Dandelion Wine - Ray Bradbury
17. The Mothman Prophecies- John Keel
18. Tales From Gavagan's Bar - Fletcher Pratt and L. Sprague de Camp
19. Archer's Goon - Diana Wynne Jones (a close contest with A Sudden Wild Magic, by the same author)
20. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

 There are a few short stories that are favorites, as well. (Actually there are a lot, but I want to keep this list short)

1.That Evening Sun - William Faulkner
2.Elvenbrood - Tanith Lee
3.The Vampire Lover - Tanith Lee
4.Simon's Wife - Tanith Lee (probably should have just made a Tanith Lee section, eh?)
5.High Mysterious Union - Ruth Rendell

Rest assured, this is not my only reading material (I've read more than half of The Telegraph's "100 novels everyone should read" list, and plenty more that's not) I read history, philosophy and scholarly works. I'm not scared of books, even big fat ones with double columns. I'll even cheerfully (after a fashion) take on post-modernism. But I suppose, for good or ill, this list signifies my literary comfort zone. 

...even when it's uncomfortable ;)